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Balls Deep in Massholes Reviewing the Trailer for Woody Allen's You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger
by | comments:

We feel you. You're still trying to crusade for the environment, but your friends are tired of hearing about it. "Yeah, yeah," they say, "The Earth is our mom, and we only have one mom, and if you throw garbage on your mom, she won't feed and clothe and shelter you anymore." Your friends are tired of your hippie bullshit.

So here's a tactic: instead of talking abstractly about the effects of global warming on Gaya the Earth Goddess, talk about the potential human health effects. Scary, grody health effects such as…

*The increase of "zoonotic" diseases like Lyme disease and Hantavirus (AKA diseases transmitted by creepy-crawlies)

*Water and food-borne diseases (AKA the Barfies and the Runsies)

*Heat rash (AKA ew, what's that on your bod)

*Heat stroke (AKA "the vapors")

*Aggravation of chronic cardiovascular disease and obstructive pulmonary disease (AKA "Ai! Me Heart!)

* Aggravation of chronic respiratory disease and asthma (AKA the old man hacks)

* Drowning and injury from floods (like Meatwad)

* Increased concentration of pollutants in the water table, negatively affecting the food supply (AKA all the food is poison)

These aren't just kooky, crackpot, doomsday scenarios, either; this list comes straight from the U.S. Center for Disease Control. So next time your friends want to cruise down to the beach in the stretch Hummer instead of on the stretch bicycle, remind them how global warming is dangerous to their health. Like Al Gore warns about ManBearPig.

Okay, like that, only thuper therial.

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