The Internet is good for many things; most of which are not appropriate for work, all of which are free and entirely accurate. Consider Twitter, for example. Perfect!
That's why we've decided to take a quick breather from reporting comedy news, and instead let the comedians report the "real people" news to you. Believe it or not, a bunch of things happened last week. Like a whole bunch. Fortunately our favorite comedians have waged an unspoken war against ignorance by summarizing those very events in an educational manner on their Twitter accounts. Other than Naked News, this is indisputably the best way to consume the news, ever.
Here's what happened in the world last week:
The girl from The Parent Trap grew up. Wonder what happened to the other twin.
There was some sort of virgins-only costume party going on in San Diego.
Everyone has been talking about this new movie, it was sorta like Titanic if your mind was the ship and your dreams were the antique car sex scene.
Apparently it was hot outside.
Britney Spears does not hit her baby one more time.
Looks like people are still really mad at George Lucas for Episodes 1-3.
Chances of a What Women Want sequel with original cast looking slim. Chances of a What Women Want S&M porn parody looking really good.
Glenn Beck happened.
People in Cleveland are still upset and some old guy wants to play basketball under the alias "Penny," presumably as a statement on consumerism.